My father in law recently passed away after a short stay in the hospital. He was 88 and lived a long life. But, he never wanted to have those important (and tough) discussions about getting near the end of life and planning for a burial, creating a will, choosing advanced directives, etc.
When asking my mother-in-law about what he wanted, she said he never talked to her about it, or would simply tell her, “you can handle it.” And that now puts her in a position to make important choices and decisions all while at the same time she is grieving. With the new year upon us, encourage these important discussions with your family, no matter their age.
Why do you need a living will?
In New York, there is no automatic family decision making. What does that mean? It means that if your loved one becomes unable to make medical decisions, and they don’t have a living will or a health care proxy in place, doctors may be under legal obligation to continue life-sustaining treatment, even if that isn’t the wishes of your loved one. Just telling someone “they wouldn’t want that” is not legally binding.
A living will spells out the instructions for these types of medical situations. Does your loved one want their pain to be managed in a certain way? Do they want to be on life support? Do they want experimental treatments?
You can also put in burial or cremation preference; which funeral service you want; religious information; and obituary preferences, along with instructions for your pets and any charitable intentions.
What is a health care proxy?
Along with a living will, it’s important to have a health care proxy. Why do you need a health care proxy? Because this allows you to appoint someone in your life to make decisions for you if you are unable. This person would be the first to communicate with a medical team and if they were unable to, the living will would then come into play. It’s a protection two-fold.
Even if you haven’t been in a medical situation like the ones we are explaining, you’ve most likely seen the scenarios play out on television. When multiple loved ones, for example a group of siblings making decisions for a dying parent, don’t agree, the stress and turmoil it can cause in the family is heart breaking. And often that conflict is long-term, when it can be completely avoided when the right plans are in place.
A living will is beneficial for everyone, but especially people who are single, widowed or do not have any family members and people that have strong opinions on end-of-life care. Anyone with a chronic illness or anyone in an advanced age should also start the process of creating a living will.
An ethical will, which we wrote about in this blog, is another vital piece to your estate planning. Planning for the future is more than just preparing documents, it’s an opportunity to leave a meaningful legacy.
Our Free Ethical Will Planning Guide which you can download from our homepage, is designed to help you communicate your personal values, life lessons and heartfelt wishes to your loved ones. Unlike legal wills that distribute assets, an ethical will is a deeply personal document that offers guidance, wisdom and reflections that your family and friends can carry with them for years to come. Note that the ethical will is not a legally binding document.
This guide walks you through how to express what’s most important to you, your beliefs, hopes, advice and the stories that shaped your life. It’s more than planning, it’s a lasting gift to those you care about most.
At Sugarman Law, we can help you with all parts of the estate planning process. If talking about these decisions with your loved one feels strange, come into the office and we can go through everything together. It’s easier when you have a trusted partner by your side and we would love to be that partner for you.
We are actively taking appointments this month for estate planning, so feel free to call us and get something set up right away. 2026 is the year you get your affairs in order and you live with less stress, because you have planned and prepared and can feel at peace knowing you have made the tough decisions, so your family won’t be obligated.
